I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.