Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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