Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.