OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later