and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
No subtext here. People are naked.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.