make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
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I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
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I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots