He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.