I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?