Texts From Last Night

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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?

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  (248): Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"? http://tfl.nu/h596
  Replies (38) Good night (4752) Bad night (2623)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.

  (1-480): View more from Arizona

  Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?

  (480): View more from Arizona

  You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.

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  (480): Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room. (1-480): Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess? (480): You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about. http://tfl.nu/fd7a
  Replies (38) Good night (7551) Bad night (852)
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  (605): View more from South Dakota

  I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident

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  (605): I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident http://tfl.nu/4t8c
  Replies (28) Good night (792) Bad night (2791)
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  (859): View more from Kentucky

  Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.

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  (859): Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things. http://tfl.nu/chhw
  Replies (6) Good night (3685) Bad night (1062)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.

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  (618): Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout. http://tfl.nu/q2nt
  Replies (42) Good night (9573) Bad night (1505)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?

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  (217): Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people? http://tfl.nu/sask
  Replies (4) Good night (779) Bad night (1888)
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  (630): View more from Illinois

  I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.

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  (630): I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence. http://tfl.nu/jyg1
  Replies (2) Good night (1378) Bad night (684)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face

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  (802): i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face http://tfl.nu/in3q
  Replies (6) Good night (838) Bad night (1764)
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  (352): View more from Florida

  I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!

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  (352): I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas! http://tfl.nu/fx1v
  Replies (4) Good night (1920) Bad night (636)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.

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  (647): We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with. http://tfl.nu/g52q
  Replies (8) Good night (949) Bad night (1422)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.

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  (865): God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter. http://tfl.nu/mtk4
  Replies (1) Good night (1275) Bad night (589)
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  (803): View more from South Carolina

  One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.

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  (803): One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big. http://tfl.nu/i8v0
  Replies (10) Good night (1153) Bad night (568)
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  (860): View more from Connecticut

  He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.

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  (860): He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/3zeb
  Replies (3) Good night (1332) Bad night (467)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler

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  (615): And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler http://tfl.nu/itqd
  Replies (5) Good night (391) Bad night (998)
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  (309): View more from Illinois

  My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.

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  (309): My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers. http://tfl.nu/lxb6
  Replies (1) Good night (716) Bad night (310)

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