I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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