He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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