It's a beautiful day for a hangover
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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