I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
we're making bets on your personal life
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
