Kiss
Puke
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
