He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
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Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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