I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
