swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
