need another drink. this is the easiest way
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
