i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
