never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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