I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
