Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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