You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
