oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
3 2 1 whiskey
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
