she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
