dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
