It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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