If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
