How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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