dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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