dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She tied me up with her honor cords...
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
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