hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
My pussy is not your playground.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
