I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
