I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
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Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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