Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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