Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
