my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
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