I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Randomize
