You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
