I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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