Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she peed on how many people?
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
