I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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