Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
