can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
then he tried to convert me to islam
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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