oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
