So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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