At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
