So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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