I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
