You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Randomize
