Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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