One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
