Non-Jews are for practice
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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