so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
