I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
