hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Randomize
