My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
