im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
