Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
Small penises have feelings too.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Randomize
