farters have to be the big spoon...
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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