You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
