im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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