Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
whose ass print is on the piano?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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