I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
