is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
