hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
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