she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
