Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Randomize
