I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
