Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
