And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
