i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
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WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
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My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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