idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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