Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
this beer tastes like vomit already
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
