i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
