She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
