i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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