Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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