If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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