I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
