My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
