hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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