my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
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