can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
